A letter to Aunt Agony

Idk since when i actually start building walls around me, but im more amazed by how thick they have become. The self protection notion is so strong in me yet im totally clueless how and when it developed and for how long it has been this way already. Sometimes we're so used to hiding emotions to some point it feels like the mask we wear has become part of the face. And then maybe someday when you take it off you get confused which is the real you.

Im never good at expressing myself, in person or in words, and it does rlly take some time for me to open up. Its the fear of being judged, tho its always easy to say 'dont bother'. And then somehow i feel like i lost the ability to express my feelings because today in cls when we're supposed to write how we feel as university students and our fears and hopes, i could hardly come up with anything personal. All i wrote was the general stuff. Is this what they call the growing up process?

Im not trying to say im being fake to ppl, but its more like keeping things to myself, not wanting to let others know what i feel and think. Because i always think that it would make myself appear vulnerable to others and i dont ever wanna feel this way. Probably im still waiting for the right person to come by and tell me, 'Yufen its alright'.